My Shadow & Light

IMG_4746.jpg

Welcome To My Den of

Self-Expression!

  Hello Beautiful Soul, I appreciate you for visiting my den of self-expression! I created my podcast & website as authentic expression of my soul. This page will be about all about me and who I am as a person.

  First thing I want to say is that I have an obsession with Death. I personally know that I have moved around the world as a kid and struggled a lot with confidence issues because I didn't truly felt heard as who I am by my parents for a long time, but in truth that reflects that I didn't feel heard by myself. I dealt with parents who has high academic expectations for me because they perceived that as the key to success in this world & there is some truth to that perspective, but I for SURE didn't always satisfy those expectations & experienced physical trauma, mental trauma, and emotional trauma as a result of some of the ways I was punished for not meeting desired expectations. I  was grounded the entirety of 7th & 8th grade in Japan! All because my parents didn't believe that I cared about school as much as they did and they FEARED me failing & not passing. Much of the punishment I experience was out of the FEAR that I wouldn't achieve success beyond them as they planned or wanted, because that's truly all that they wanted. This transpired into me allowing myself to be walked over by people & move out of other people's way to allow them to get what they want. I didn't really know who I was for a long time & I didn't even realize this for a long time, but it was because I was doing my absolute best to live by my parents expectations that definitely didn't align with who I was as a person & I felt empty pretty much for a long time. This does not deny that I appreciate the experiences of struggle I have been through because those experiences are a part of me & I love all parts of myself.

 

  I was born in Jacksonville, Florida & grew up there for 11 years. I went to a white school & went to a daycare after school. I moved to Japan at 11 in 2013 & I lived there for 3 years. I greatly enjoyed the experience because Japan was far different and a more peaceful place to live in my mind over Florida. I was restricted more that I would have like, but that is ok. I moved to Hawaii at 14 in 2016 & I enjoyed my time there because I really opened up more as a person & learned a lot about who I truly was. I went through a great, but challenging relationship that I chose I had to separate from when I moved to Maryland in 2020 because my mental health was at stake and I needed to really put the energy into myself.

  Ever since I ended that relationship I have been releasing the trauma & limiting beliefs from my conditioned toxic experiences that I have been through. I now understand what I expect from my reality & of my own self truthfully is what will manifest in my reality. Reality we experience is not the physical 3D, but the thoughts that we think. Proof of this is if you ask two people their opinion on what they think when they look at the color pink, both people will likely tell you something different and that is a direct representation of how our thoughts create our reality. I am on my path of creating a positive desired future for myself by aligning my physical body, emotional body, & mental body. This is important to me because I desire to express my truest self & not my conditioned pain & wounds that I have & currently experience.

Shifting my vibrational being has been in human terms a lot of work, but I know that my soul & spirit are truly infinite. They are the reason I have the energy to overcome my 3D limitations that I experience because I know that I am infinite & experience this infinite unfolding nature ever more so every day. In experiencing this limited infinite nature I have discovered how love is truly the greatest super power of all & is they key to unlocking all of the greatest, darkest, & brightest parts of yourself. In doing so it allows me to understand that everyone is at their own current level of understanding & I can only create change within myself as I desire so. Otherwise I will always stay the same. I am capable of appreciating all my moment to moment experience positive or negative because the present moment reveals to me limitlessly valuable information that I can tap into as I bring my conscious awareness to it & apply it to my life. The present moment is so amazing to experience when you appreciate it, that is why it is called the present.

I have many goals within this life that all derive from me just being myself. We experience a dualistic nature as human beings & I desire to be myself so I can grow and come into greater alignment with my higher self day by day, but also to inspire others to seek this alignment with their higher self & realize their true power in being themselves. I desire to become a world leader who has a future vision built on love, understanding, compassion, peace, & acceptance for self & others. A world where people don't even desire to hurt one another because they realize the truth of their own inner divinity & what they put out is what comes back to them. A world where people realize the power of healing themselves because we do not have to live in a. world of suffering and decay. That is a choice. Even if the world doesn't completely shift to some beautiful Utopia like I see is possible, I know I will have manifested a great foundation for the generations to come with the support of many loving and wholesome souls & I trust that as I inspire our generation to heal we will pass on positive energies to the future generations & they will be all the more likely to chose to heal & overcome challenges, rather than bathing in toxicity as many people chose today consciously or subconsciously. This is one of my many goals that derive from being me.

Now with my enjoyment of the present moment I chose the energies I allow into my focus very selectively. This is because I understand the energies I allow into my focus are what manifest internally and then begin to manifest slowly externally and the law of inertia applies after that. As I have learned along my transformation of self to be who I truly desire to be I have realized I can't care what everyone thinks of me, even the people that I care about the most because me caring what other people think about me only limits me from being able to be my impulsive and imaginative self that I know I came ot this earth plane to be. I literally don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me anymore just because it doesn't serve my highest good. Now there is a way to not give a fuck what others think and not walk over everyone, but I have seen the absolute truth and purpose of standing up for who I know that I am. I see the social constructs/judgements from anything external of myself are representations of the "devil" & a challenge to see if I will stand for what I truly believe about myself & who I know that I am at the core of my being. There are people who will judge me for literally just existing as myself as I chose to be & those are the people who judge themselves for just being themselves because they have been convinced by their own conditioning that my way of being is "wrong." This simply comes down to the concept of love. I am capable of showing love to people even if I don't like or understand their own way of being because I know that everyone is at their own level of understanding within their experience. This is why I don't give a fuck anymore about what anyone thinks of me being me. *blows kiss* 

Earth Bound Me

My Earthly Enjoyments!

Some of my favorite earth bound enjoyments are traveling & exploring different cultures because there is a whole new perspective to be explored! Trying new foods that have different ingredients than I'm used to is really interesting to me also because it opens up my mind to different possiblities of foods to enjoy. Meeting authentically developed people is something I passionately enjoy because I take a great interest in understanding other people's perspective of life & how they chose to live because it develops my own view.

IMG_6082.HEIC

Star Found Self

My Metaphysical Enjoyments!

When it comes to the metaphysical I am extremely immersed in the vast darkness of love it has to offer. I am greatly enamored by the study of astrology, tarot, numerology & other forms of divination! I am into meditation because it allows for me to strengthen my connection with my higher self & listen to the quiet, but loving guidance in my life. I love nature because it helps me connect with the divine oneness of reality & realize my extension of self beyond my physical body. I appreciate my infinite being just as much as I appreciate my limited being!