Updated: Apr 1, 2021
Hello beautiful soul, what is it that you seek in life? How do you you seek your desires? Why do you seek your desires? What does that mean to you? For a deeper experience as you continue through the blog answer these questions for yourself or at least keep them in mind as we go along so you can discover the deepest truths of yourself. Shall we begin now?
Speaking on personal experience. As of 12:44am March 29th, 2021 I am writing this blog and currently I am experience the Libra super moon & this energy has been very heavy for me. I have had to face many codependency challenges I experience. My codependency stems from restrictive and shielding childhood and some of the experiences I have decided to release judgement of in order to release my codependent present existence to past situations I have experienced. Being codependent to past situation keep me in an energy that hols back my blessing of being present and in love with the truth of my own being.
Very in particular my best friend smokey passed away August 29th , 2019. I have never shared with anyone, even my parents, that I know exactly why smokey passed away. At this time I was an everyday marijuana user and I had a bag with 23 chocolate edibles inside the bottom of my closet. They were air locked in several bags, but I didn't think about the fact that smokey would be able to smell them since he was a dog; I accidentally left my closet open and long story short he was an 11 year old 15lb Pomeranian, & he ate 11 of the 23 edibles. The things that absolutely ripped my heart apart after his passing the next day at 7am is that I was worried about getting in trouble with my parents over the edibles & at first I thought he was just going to be high for a long while, but it hit me very soon the amount of chocolate he ate was deadly. Long story short I felt his heart beat stop and I chose to keep the truth to myself because I felt so horrible for not appreciating him as much I wanted to before he passed and I knew the exact 100% truth of how much attention I didn't give him since I was so caught up with my own life & how I was a factor that played into his destined death. After that moment there was a codependent present existence to that past moment that caused me to want to appreciate life so much more because I was felt guilty for what happened. That is the internal truth the makes it clear what I was seeking externally to try and mend something within myself that I experience, but that's truly not how that works as much as we may believe that.
Smokey (Black Pomeranian) & his brother Cane when they were MUCH Younger ; )
That example I made was a depiction of what I seek in my life all derives from the roots of ourself and who we are. I wanted to make up for how I felt inside by making changes and seeking things in life that made me believe that I was better that the person I was. A thought like that though derives from the judgement I cast upon myself based upon my actions and choices I made within my past & I had not made peace with who I am, I was, & could be.
Now all of this is important because so many people in this world chase external experiences because subconsciously there are internal truths the we desire to cover up because they are out of our awareness or we desire to deflect the truth. I am choosing I want to release judgement of what happened in the past because it just doesn't serve me anymore to hold onto the judgement I cast upon myself for past experiences, simply I can only live, learn, & grow. You may struggle with your ego allowing for you to see the dark truth you experience, like I didn't want to for the longest time as much as I believed I was being true to myself, but it is the great voids within us that reveal the truth of who we are. When we chose to look the most vulnerable part of ourself in the face soon enough you tap into the greatest super power you could ever posses. 95% of people within this world don't experience a truly happy and fulfilled life because they aren't willing to face their own dark truths and run from them. In facing your void you step into your own infinite transformation far beyond your conscious imagination, after all that's the point of releasing limiting beliefs also.
I ask now is there something you are running from within yourself? Are there things you are seeking externally with conscious or subconscious expectation that you will feel better throughout your experience? Question your relationship with the things you chose are a need, a must, things you feel you should be doing; question your addictive relationships you chose to hold onto within your life and ask yourself why. Why do you chose to keep this relationship within your life? Do you feel you can live without its present to feel balanced or ok in your life? Asking these type of questions are the key to understanding the dark voids within yourself that are worthy of having the light of love shown upon them. It is when you chose to love yourself and accept those dark voids as part of you rather then reject them that bring the greatest amount of strength possible, alike to what I said earlier on. Do you want to chose to live your life lying to yourself because you feel comfortable being in your own suffering? Like I said this is the greatest super power you could ever posses, because so many people aren't willing to be trut