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Trauma Bonds & Codependency

In this day & age many of us experience & attract bonds & relationships that derive from the traumas we have experienced within our life. All of us have our own childhood trauma that has gave us the base definition & interpretation many of our experiences. For example if as if a baby's parent was busy working & when you tried to get the attention, care or affection desired from the parents & the parent responded in a way that didn't validate the baby's attempt to get their attention and validation then the baby will from that moment have an experience of not feeling heard, understood or cared about as desired. The internalized trauma then results in the baby trying to do alter his or her actions to receive the desired validation even if that hurts them because they want to feel loved & safe. That is just one form of trauma that is possible to be experienced in one moment as a baby, but as the traumatic experiences pile on it becomes a conditioned belief that when that same feeling or type of experience is triggered that trauma is relived.

Long term this creates people who are literally walking time bombs because after so long they will crumble under their own suffering because they do not understand their own suffering they experience when it all derives from their subconscious programming & many of us find ourselves only worried about matters of the conscious waking mind because that is all many people are aware of. This doesn't mean that when someone crumbles that it is a "bad" things its just a difficult moment where someone has to look at the truth of who they are and why they are feeling or thinking the thoughts that they are experiencing.

With all of this being said everyone experiences their own codependency challenges that they have to face. For I tried to fit myself inside the box of what I believed I thought I wanted my parents wanted me to be & I was relatively emotionless because I wasn't really being myself. I just grew up in a place where we were struggling financially and were in lots of debt & there wasn't always conscious awareness given to how I felt because there were financial matters/a survival mindset my parents were in. Also I happen to be a deeply emotional being & as a result through I didn't even realize that I struggled to communicate with other people because I didn't even understand how to communicate with myself. This is because I was never taught about emotional intelligence and emotional understanding growing up it was more about understanding how to maneuver through a world that judged you for being you & how to fit in and blend in, but I don't blend in, I am unique.

I now know that I am a person who is fiercely independent because I may be slightly codependent to the idea that only I can understand myself and that there aren't many people who truly desire to understand me because there aren't many people who even desire to understand themselves because coming in contact with their truth triggers many self worth challenges and reveals the truth of their shallowness or the truth of their ego built life. Now I am not bagging on these people because when you come to awareness of your ego & chose or even consider the though of moving beyond it, it lays the foundation of a brand new reality that is being manifested which is positive, but that also requires the releasing of the old reality you once believed and lived & that is hard for many people to do.

Going back to the trauma bonds & codependency from my example and point I made all of the experiences we are likely to consciously or subconsciously bond with people, places, or things that allow for us to be comfortable not facing the truth of our suffering. This doesn't mean that your friends are bad for you, just its good to question why you truly have the friends you have in your life. Do these friends serve your growth? Do the things you indulge in serve your higher being and transformation of yourself into the best version of yourself? Do you desire to release parts of yourself that don't serve you?

Questioning yourself and asking yourself why you chose the things in your life that you do chose to keep in your life are vital to your growth because nobody is capable of being used/nobody is controlled by anything. Simply we give up or power to things we perceive to be greater than us, more powerful than us, more important than us, more valuable than us, worth more than us. When we give away our power we subject ourselves to feeling and thoughts of being less than, of jealousy, need to seek validation, need to boast achievement, need to be heard by the world, avoidant tendencies, sensitivity to criticism, complaining, being highly competitive, desire to find faults in others, humility avoidant, & many other symptoms of insecurity when we chose to give away our power.

We have free will to be who we want to be & it is only when you give away our power to belief systems that do not align with your own internal truth & who you are, that is when you begin to experience an attachment to the past situations &/ or future outcomes because we are pushing ourselves into a way of being that requires us to think since we aren't being true to ourselves and who we are at the base of our being.